Moody thoughts of what to do with my time can be a dangerous thing but lead to emptiness. I have a bad habit of having so many things l want to do going on in my head that in the end lead to nothing, l cannot unscramble them, pull one from the other.
Nothing leads anywhere you see?
A Mountain of electrical wires entangled with each other, endless lengths of beautiful ideas l would love to do but after thinking of which one l would like to execute it falls flat and l end up on nothing street.
Where do I go wrong?
What happens between the ideas and the wiring and the nothingness?
I get lost, float around. I certainly am not lazy, l can work as hard as the next person so it is not that.
Eliminate.
It is not that l don't want to do the wonderful things that pop into my head, the enjoyment of them excites me.
Eliminate.
Distinguishing the amount of things l would love to do is the hard thing. I wake up in the night from sleep and something beautiful will pop into my head that l think to myself 'I'll do that'...
Oh that damn list, it acts like a heavy chain, link by link getting heavier as l add the things to it.
Ah....
Stop adding.
How?
The list seems to be a worry more not an enjoyment, that is not how it started. I have too much time on my hands and the list I started was designed to fill that time and now it does not, it has become my hindrance.
How do I reset myself and my thinking, How do redesign the flaw l have made?
The ideas keep coming but not I'm not talking rocket science, for me they are simple ones. The ones to redesign myself. To put back into me what I have lost, rebuilding the inner self. Confidence, self adjustments, happiness, fulfilment's, calmness... the list, yes the list is endless.
The list, link by link get longer not shorter, the wires get more tangled.
Putting back what you need and want is surely logical, sad thing is my brain says 'Add it the list'
That damn list, those damn wires. A craving for self adjustments is beautiful but how do I get them without having them in the first place?
It's Just....
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